Writing personal wedding vows is a beautiful, intimate gesture to show your intended how much you mean to them. If you aren't the most articulate or romantic of people, you may not know what to say.
We've worked out some surefire tips for heartfelt and memorable vows.
Any couple can decide to write personal wedding vows to say at their wedding. That said, you don't have to if being vulnerable in front of a crowd gives you a cold sweat. It's perfectly fine to stick to the regular 'have and to hold' message guided by your officiant. You can always make your personal declarations and promises to each other in private.
If you decide to write personal vows, then both the bride and groom need to have something prepared to say to each other. If you aren't great at expressing yourself, it helps to work with a writer friend to develop your message.
Just remember, your vows should be kept secret from your spouse to be and only be spoken to them on the wedding day!
There are five crucial bases you should aim to cover in your vows. These are:
1. Express Your Love
Remember to say 'I love you' to your partner in your speech. Strangely, experts say this often gets left out.
2. Let Them Know You'll Be There
It's essential to tell your partner you will be there for them through the good times as well as the bad. It's one of the key aspects of the marriage institution.
3. Share a Story
Including a story about one or two of your favourite or most memorable moments makes vows more personal. Consider moments like 'when we first met…', or 'I knew I wanted to marry you when…', etc.
4. Make Your Promises
If you have any promises to make to your love, this is the time to do so. It's crucial to express your commitment to the relationship. You can be serious, or keep things light, or a bit of both.
5. Acknowledge the Importance of Support
A marriage also joins two families, so remember to work this into your vows.
1. Start Early
Writing your vows is significant and will take time to get right. Don't wait until the night before the wedding to write them since the wedding jitters might get the best of you! Plan to begin 2 to 4 months in advance.
2. Write Down All Thoughts
It helps to jot down all your ideas in list form first. Then, highlight the ideas, stories, promises, expressions, etc. you like best.
3. Start Writing Drafts
Once you have a notion of what you'd like to say, you can start writing drafts of your vows. Your first draft may be quite rough. That's okay - keep editing and polishing it until you distil the essence of what you want to say.
It should take up to three drafts before you feel it's finished. Remember that over-editing can also take the life out of your piece.
4. Keep it Short and Sweet
It's impossible to include all you want to say, and no-one likes long speeches in any case. Keep your vows short and punchy. They'll also be more memorable this way.
5. It's Okay to be Sentimental
While you don't want to use too many clichés, it's okay for your vows to be a bit mushy and romantic. It's your wedding day - if ever there was a time for sentimentality, it's now. If your words come from the heart, don't worry, they won't be corny, and your partner is sure to appreciate it.
6. Keep Away from Absolutes
Try to keep away from words like 'always', 'forever', and 'never'. Life gets messy, so it's better to express your intention to be the best you can than to over-promise.
7. Aim to Make Your Intended Laugh
Put a tasteful humorous spin on one or two of your vows. Making your love laugh is a powerful way to bond, and it will keep the wedding guests entertained as well. Don't go overboard, though!
8. Practice Reading Aloud
Once you've got a final draft, practice reading it out loud. It's best to learn your speech by heart, but you can keep your notes on you. If you know your lines, you'll be more relaxed on the day.
You'll also then feel comfortable enough to make any adjustments to suit the mood at the actual wedding.
9. Get Feedback
Read or say your vows to someone you trust for some feedback on how it comes across. It's helpful to get some constructive criticism on how to make your vows even better.
Lastly, be confident in what you have to say in your vows. So long as you give yourself plenty of time to write them and you speak from the heart, your spouse will love what you say.
Happy writing!
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